you're watching the return of the machine

HELLO! HELLO!

Oh god, I was away for soo long..eek! Sorry guys! :(

I think lately i've been feeling really uninspired each day, and it's taking me a great deal of energy to find the time to do anything any more, and I feel almost useless. While i'm happy with my life, I constantly feel that something is missing but I struggle to find what that is.

Fashion-wise, I don't even know what i'm doing any more. I don't wear any make-up (apart from eyebrows, eye liner and mascara) during the weekdays and only pile on the slap for weekends. 1) This makes me (and is definitely) feel very lazy 2) It makes me feel extremely boring 3) It makes me feel hideous. The spark and enthusiasm I had just seems to have evaporated and I can't muster the strength to get it back.. Even Adam said to me recently "what happened to you being sexy all the time?" - in response to me just being lazy and lounging about in pjs and massive hoodies instead of the pj shorts and sheer tops I wore before and making weird facial expressions and body movements instead of me being very "i'm not like that" and rather...ladylike..ish? - and this kind of fell on me like a tonne of bricks or some other horrible building appliance/architectural structure.

Why? I don't know. I can't give anyone any answers, not even myself. I went out clubbing with Monica, Ingvild and Kei a few weeks ago, and what a hot mess I was. I felt so insecure the whole night (mainly because my dress was pushing my chest up a bit too much) and because I felt the odd one out - purple hair, hair in ponytail, rushed make-up - not the done up self I used to pride myself on being.

My health seems to be in a better state now, although i'm still feeling way too tired. I've said it so many times (and not done anything) but this month I SHALL get some vitamins sorted out. Did I mention how big I feel too? My boobs are the biggest they've been, uh, ever and my stomach doesn't settle, ever. I have my good days and my off days but I guess this is all a back line that I hate having to think about...

Sorry to write something so random and thought provoking/slightly morbidly dramatic (almost) after my absence :(

Ashamed

That's right.

I'm sure you've all heard of the unnecessary and stupid events taking place in London at the moment. And what for? nothing.


Apparently, looting, starting fires and generally destroying not only buildings and landmarks, but people's lives and livelihoods is the right thing to do. And like many others have said, where are the authorities in all of this madness? who is keeping the UK safe?


YES it's not up to the Police etc alone to take charge and defend uprisings and antisocial behaviour, but at the same time, there are so many eye-witness reports of Police being the by-standers and overlooking the situations at hand. Wrong? Of course it is. While the relentless attacks in the Home Counties continue, there are still not enough people to help protect the innocent citizens that have to stand and watch as their homes are burnt down or areas destroyed.

The only people that actually seem to be taking matters into their own hands are the hundreds of Turkish shopkeepers, who defended themselves (and others) from the mobs of fucking idiotic youths descending and causing the utmost violence. Why can't more members of the public follow suit and actually try to defend and help stop the situations? Of course; the majority of youths ARE violent and will do whatever they can to fight against this - trying to save the situation should be done at one's own risk - but it still begs the question of the whereabouts of so-called "hard men" that continually make headlines for sending the bad guys down.

But let's not let the other bad guys get away unnamed - MOTHERS AND THEIR CHILDREN (some as young as 8) ARE ALSO PART OF THE RIOTING. 


WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?!


Some internet gems:






Besides my ranting, i'd like to let you all know that i'm safe and at home with my family. My work was closed early today due to Police advice, so hopefully nothing bad will happen! I think i'm pretty lucky (for now) that nothing bad has happened in my area, although problems seem to be heading even more south pretty quickly (and for some reason, up in the north?? totally unrelated!!) and i'm really hoping that where I am, thing =s will be okay....