Monday, 22 August 2011

you're watching the return of the machine

HELLO! HELLO!

Oh god, I was away for soo long..eek! Sorry guys! :(

I think lately i've been feeling really uninspired each day, and it's taking me a great deal of energy to find the time to do anything any more, and I feel almost useless. While i'm happy with my life, I constantly feel that something is missing but I struggle to find what that is.

Fashion-wise, I don't even know what i'm doing any more. I don't wear any make-up (apart from eyebrows, eye liner and mascara) during the weekdays and only pile on the slap for weekends. 1) This makes me (and is definitely) feel very lazy 2) It makes me feel extremely boring 3) It makes me feel hideous. The spark and enthusiasm I had just seems to have evaporated and I can't muster the strength to get it back.. Even Adam said to me recently "what happened to you being sexy all the time?" - in response to me just being lazy and lounging about in pjs and massive hoodies instead of the pj shorts and sheer tops I wore before and making weird facial expressions and body movements instead of me being very "i'm not like that" and rather...ladylike..ish? - and this kind of fell on me like a tonne of bricks or some other horrible building appliance/architectural structure.

Why? I don't know. I can't give anyone any answers, not even myself. I went out clubbing with Monica, Ingvild and Kei a few weeks ago, and what a hot mess I was. I felt so insecure the whole night (mainly because my dress was pushing my chest up a bit too much) and because I felt the odd one out - purple hair, hair in ponytail, rushed make-up - not the done up self I used to pride myself on being.

My health seems to be in a better state now, although i'm still feeling way too tired. I've said it so many times (and not done anything) but this month I SHALL get some vitamins sorted out. Did I mention how big I feel too? My boobs are the biggest they've been, uh, ever and my stomach doesn't settle, ever. I have my good days and my off days but I guess this is all a back line that I hate having to think about...

Sorry to write something so random and thought provoking/slightly morbidly dramatic (almost) after my absence :(

8 comments:

  1. girl maybe you preggerz?!!!!!

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  2. Hope you feel better soon. :/

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  3. Ohhh how cool you got the lip tattoos stocked at work, very good work! :D

    Your new hair is amazing, I want it D:

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  4. Never ever feel insecure! You're amazing, gorgeous and so unique with your purple hair and sweet attitude. Never feel insecure because you dare to stand out from everyone else. Get better and I hope that everything gets better (:

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  5. believe me we all Have days Like that, maybe even weeks. I just put on good Music and Try to snap out of it.. Feel better! :) <3
    XOXO God Bless!
    -Pamela

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  6. @claire: thank you girl

    @sami: yeahhh!! i can't believe they're finally here! but now i have none left to sell, only 4 designs left >.<! and thank youuu

    @laly: thank you so much! you are really really kind, and this comment really made me feel better!

    @pam: thanks for the advice! i love my music, so this is really good advice also! thank you so much^^

    @dudu: thank you!!

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