Tuesday, 26 March 2013

revert and revibe


It's a cold, and kind of sunny morning here in the UK. It's also the start of my 2 days off, woo hoo! I also have Easter Sunday off as my store is closed (score) so it's almost like I have 3 days off this week - except that our work week runs from a Sunday, so that means I have this Sunday and then next Tuesday of....Wow, I'm boring, haha!

Anyway, as the titles suggests, I've been thinking a lot about "RE" things in my life. Such as, RE-doing a lot of the things I used to do that I've found myself slipping away from over the past few years.

One of the things that took a hit was definitely this blog! I ended up going through this phase of wanting to blog, and then going to do it and then thinking "oh, maybe I'll do it later" and it kind of became a strange routine in a way, and then it would be months between each post, and that's a bit shit, considering I used to blog a good few times a week, with really interesting (to me anyway, lol) posts! If you've noticed, I have been blogging a lot more, as these early starts really do help! Although most of the time, I'm getting up to go to work etc, but even on the days I'm not working, I feel way more motivated and less lazy, which is almost a grace, as I can be super lazy!

Another thing is the way I look. I'm not happy with my body, or really the way I look all that much any more, but that's my own "fault" essentially I guess! The laziness ties in with this, as sports and fitness are my LEAST preferred thing in the whole world (next to spiders too). I've noticed that I've fallen out of the shape I used to be, and it's one of those age-old things that gets you down, and no-one but YOU can help yourself. Nobody can say or do anything to make you work, it has to be all about you! That's definitely where I fail hardest. I think I can get the motivation for certain things but other things are the biggest struggle ever! Look at how I used to look in 2011:

Pretty much my last photo shoot right there. And the 'tog that took these pictures ROYALLY PISSED ME OFF. This was from a shoot I did with Georgie back in April 2011 that I talked about here (a lot of the photos in this post died, sorry about that! I don't know why??) and the photographer NEVER sent me my photos, so the only ones I saw were this one and a head shot. He told me he kept sending me my CD and it kept getting sent back to him. Bullshit. Especially when you give him 3 DIFFERENT ADDRESSES to try! I contacted him again about a month ago asking for them again and he gave me another made-up story of "oh um I was robbed, so I don't have anything now". Yada yada yada. Basically, this has left me in such a weird loop with any kind of modelling. I even stopped working with Marc, all down to me again, mainly because of the whole body thing, and also because I wasn't even sure in myself any more. It's kind of sad in a way, because I've managed to lose that one line of my life almost.

BUT. With this NEW life-force I have acquired, I hope to RE-gain what was once lost! I've been looking up fitness classes and ways to keep in shape and to help you look your best. This is for ME personally, and is not a goal that I'm trying to achieve for others (before you ask). I want to join the gym, go to some classes and really get my strength back. I used to be able to practise Para for 3hrs a day. Now I can't even go for 10 minutes without getting so out of breath and wanting to flop on the floor! Pathetic! Lol! I just want to be hot again, haha! I've always wanted to try Pole - little known fact - and someone at work mentioned that she went to a class with her friend the other week and I though, hmm, why not?? I'm going to be so grateful for payday - my bank account won't be - but I'll be booking, and clicking away and hopefully finding some good things to get me back into shape!

After going to see Brooke Candy, I actually felt really proud of my body, as she is one of those women who can make you feel really good about yourself and to love what you have. So I started to love my booty (it's there!) and the way I looked in underwear, but I think the blow of the breakup really made me slouch into a void and made me hate the way I look. Don't get me wrong, I'm not about to go on some crazy power-diet thing and become all anorexic and stuff! I love food WAY TOO MUCH to ever give it up. It's more about not buying so many sweets and cokes and things like that...haha. I watched a video this morning about stomachs and in the video, the lady put a life-size plastic stomach on a plate and was basically saying that your stomach can only take so much, you can't overdo it, and that really shocked and surprised me to think that, actually, yes, I think that's one thing a lot of US are capable of, over-filling ourselves and perhaps not really realising it! 

Staying on the subject of food, I might be going to an American style place for lunch today....I hear they serve great pulled pork! THIS IS WHY I CAN NEVER NOT EAT LOL.



  1. GOOD LUCK ☆ I think I already told you before but I almost stopped doing para completely. But I joined a gym instead so I'm still in shape at least! And I got more careful with sweets and carbs. I hope you can accomplish your goals! It's all about accomplishment and feeling content with your performance... I always get such a rush when I see results or go without sweets for 1-2weeks, or run one minute more than usual on the running belt, and so on ^^ Good luck again, and have fun with it!

    1. Eek! I actually watched the DVD you did (never seen it before haha) with Max etc, and I think the whole Para world now is a bit sad (upset wise) because they just don't seem to release anything new via a major company, it all seems to be club handouts, which YES is the way it used to be, but it leaves the whole scene really exclusive again and for people like me who have been out of touch for so long, it seems a bit of a blow!

      That's the thing I still struggle with - sweets and carbs! But I've been working out at home now and stuff and trying to exercise :D Thank you girl!!

  2. I want to try pole as well! I wish they had it in the city I go to school at but, no >< So I'll have to give it a try in another city :3 Good luck! It'll defiently be worth it!

    1. It seems so exciting!! <3 Yeah, I'll have to go either into London or outside of London if I want to go to a good class! It's almost a lot of effort, but I guess it would definitely be worth it!! Let me know if you end up doing it!!