donc

Bonsoir!

I wanted to let you all know about some exciting news (it keeps coming, I tell ya!) about some upcoming trips that I have to the wonderful Parisian streets of France!

Yep, that's right, I'm going to Paris! I haven't been since 2007/8 when I went on a school trip (lol) but I used to go to France quite a lot with my family via the Eurotunnel and Eurostar. I think my parents really wanted to make sure me and my sister were "cultured" in some way or another and really enjoyed taking us on day-trips to see France! It's so weird thinking that you can essentially be in another country in about an hour! (dependant on the journey type of course)

Photos from the last time I was in Paris...5 years ago! I look so different in that middle picture (on the left!)

Anyway, I'll be going to Paris twice in the next few months, how lucky! But this is going to be pretty awesome too, as I haven't been anywhere abroad this year, with my last two trips abroad being in the late summer of last year! I'll be going first in May with my Japanese friend Yukika, who I met at the end of last year and who is coming to study in England from April-June! She's so cute, and I actually met her through a music artist, after seeing her in a video on YouTube! I started following her on Instagram and we became friends! It's crazy what can happen online!

Here we are at M&M's world!

She has never been to Paris and wanted to go really badly, and after uploading some photos of Tokyo Disney and Disney Sea on her IG, I was thinking "hmm... maybe we should do Euro Disney!" so, yeah! It's happening! I'm so amped to go! I haven't been to Euro Disney, only Tokyo Disney & Disney Sea!

Tokyo Disney Sea '09

Tokyo Disney '10

I really want to wear my Mickey/Minnie ears hat around the park...I hope I don't forget to pack it!! We'll also be exploring Paris for a day, and it will be nice to find souvenirs and things to take photos of! Haha, what a typical tourist! My second trip to Paris will be in July  and I'll be going with the lovely Michelle who runs Roxie Sweetheart and some other really amazing girls, like Ellen from Cyberdog Brighton! We'll be going to Japan Expo which is something I've wanted to go to for a long time, but never really got around to sorting a trip out! I know there was a UK Japan Expo back in 2007/8 but apparently it wasn't very good, and I don't think they've done one since! I've heard so many great things about the one in Paris, so I'm really excited to be going!

Well, of course I'll be sharing photos and videos of my trips, and of course I shall write about them! I hope you're looking forward to these entries! I'll leave you with this really empowering song by Bif Naked, one of my favourite artists! I felt a bit strange today and listening to this really brought my mood up! Enjoy <3 p="">

revert and revibe

Hello!

It's a cold, and kind of sunny morning here in the UK. It's also the start of my 2 days off, woo hoo! I also have Easter Sunday off as my store is closed (score) so it's almost like I have 3 days off this week - except that our work week runs from a Sunday, so that means I have this Sunday and then next Tuesday of....Wow, I'm boring, haha!

Anyway, as the titles suggests, I've been thinking a lot about "RE" things in my life. Such as, RE-doing a lot of the things I used to do that I've found myself slipping away from over the past few years.

One of the things that took a hit was definitely this blog! I ended up going through this phase of wanting to blog, and then going to do it and then thinking "oh, maybe I'll do it later" and it kind of became a strange routine in a way, and then it would be months between each post, and that's a bit shit, considering I used to blog a good few times a week, with really interesting (to me anyway, lol) posts! If you've noticed, I have been blogging a lot more, as these early starts really do help! Although most of the time, I'm getting up to go to work etc, but even on the days I'm not working, I feel way more motivated and less lazy, which is almost a grace, as I can be super lazy!

Another thing is the way I look. I'm not happy with my body, or really the way I look all that much any more, but that's my own "fault" essentially I guess! The laziness ties in with this, as sports and fitness are my LEAST preferred thing in the whole world (next to spiders too). I've noticed that I've fallen out of the shape I used to be, and it's one of those age-old things that gets you down, and no-one but YOU can help yourself. Nobody can say or do anything to make you work, it has to be all about you! That's definitely where I fail hardest. I think I can get the motivation for certain things but other things are the biggest struggle ever! Look at how I used to look in 2011:

Pretty much my last photo shoot right there. And the 'tog that took these pictures ROYALLY PISSED ME OFF. This was from a shoot I did with Georgie back in April 2011 that I talked about here (a lot of the photos in this post died, sorry about that! I don't know why??) and the photographer NEVER sent me my photos, so the only ones I saw were this one and a head shot. He told me he kept sending me my CD and it kept getting sent back to him. Bullshit. Especially when you give him 3 DIFFERENT ADDRESSES to try! I contacted him again about a month ago asking for them again and he gave me another made-up story of "oh um I was robbed, so I don't have anything now". Yada yada yada. Basically, this has left me in such a weird loop with any kind of modelling. I even stopped working with Marc, all down to me again, mainly because of the whole body thing, and also because I wasn't even sure in myself any more. It's kind of sad in a way, because I've managed to lose that one line of my life almost.

BUT. With this NEW life-force I have acquired, I hope to RE-gain what was once lost! I've been looking up fitness classes and ways to keep in shape and to help you look your best. This is for ME personally, and is not a goal that I'm trying to achieve for others (before you ask). I want to join the gym, go to some classes and really get my strength back. I used to be able to practise Para for 3hrs a day. Now I can't even go for 10 minutes without getting so out of breath and wanting to flop on the floor! Pathetic! Lol! I just want to be hot again, haha! I've always wanted to try Pole - little known fact - and someone at work mentioned that she went to a class with her friend the other week and I though, hmm, why not?? I'm going to be so grateful for payday - my bank account won't be - but I'll be booking, and clicking away and hopefully finding some good things to get me back into shape!

After going to see Brooke Candy, I actually felt really proud of my body, as she is one of those women who can make you feel really good about yourself and to love what you have. So I started to love my booty (it's there!) and the way I looked in underwear, but I think the blow of the breakup really made me slouch into a void and made me hate the way I look. Don't get me wrong, I'm not about to go on some crazy power-diet thing and become all anorexic and stuff! I love food WAY TOO MUCH to ever give it up. It's more about not buying so many sweets and cokes and things like that...haha. I watched a video this morning about stomachs and in the video, the lady put a life-size plastic stomach on a plate and was basically saying that your stomach can only take so much, you can't overdo it, and that really shocked and surprised me to think that, actually, yes, I think that's one thing a lot of US are capable of, over-filling ourselves and perhaps not really realising it! 

Staying on the subject of food, I might be going to an American style place for lunch today....I hear they serve great pulled pork! THIS IS WHY I CAN NEVER NOT EAT LOL.

3 INSPIRATIONS FOR ME RIGHT HERE! KELLY, BROOKE AND GWEN.

my little pony; another hair adventure!

Hello!

WOW I have some amazing photos to share with you all! The first ones are from Tuesday when I was a make-up model for Dec! Let me share a bit more information for you~

Dec's assignment for the class was Cirque du Soleil and as there are like 3 different classes, each one was assigned a different section of the actors/characters from the show. Dec's class had to do the clown section! That was quite fun, knowing we would all literally be looking either really crazy or either really hilarious! To be honest, the reality is that Dec was the only one who really stepped out of the box (the jack-in-the-box??) to create his look on me, and I'm not just saying that because he's my friend and I know he's talented! Pretty much the whole class had obviously googled a photo of "clown" and their models ended up each with a slightly different version of a harlequin clown crossed with typical "jolly" clown make-up, and we had to sort out outfits too (the model's jobs), pretty much all of them had the typical clown candy colour 'fro. NO ORIGINALITY!!  The girls really did make an effort but it was a shame there wasn't more individuality in the group.

Except for Dec! That's where the true vision came in lol! Especially with the hair too - Dec made his own wig with real human hair! Want to see some pictures? Okay, if you insist!

haha had to add this one!!

What do you think?! Brilliant or what? It was super fun! And it really was great to see Dec too <3 p="">

It's still weird that on my days off I won't have much to do any more, mainly because most of my friends are usually working during the week (like normal people) so if I don't have a weekend day off, I can't always see them! I have plenty of ideas of ways to fill my time though! Watch this space guys and girls!

This day was great for me as I felt super positive and really happy about the future. I still feel this way, and while we can't predict the future, I feel like mine is going to get better and more exciting from now on! The fun did carry on until today, which was when I was a hair model and got my hair done! I am STOKED at how it turned out, like, I don't think myself OR the hairdresser thought it would turn out this good! This is how my hair was before (no filter on this pic - from earlier today!)

I haven't been putting any dye on it for a few weeks just because of the move and everything and at that point in time I wasn't really all that concerned with the way my hair looked! Plus, I knew the date for the the show would be soon, so it was a better idea to let it fade a bit after a few washes! It still retains a nice pastel pink colour even if I wash it a load of times, so it's guaranteed to look cute still!

And then...

The three colours used on my hair. Now, I usually don't tend to use Crazy Color that much anymore because I find it doesn't always give the results that I want, but I've noticed that a lot of UK salons will use this brand when they do a bright hair colour, mainly because it's accessible (you can get it from most major (and minor) beauty supply outlets, including those specifically for hair salons) and it's not all that expensive. I use Directions by La Riche on my hair currently, mainly because it's cheap, good quality dye that lasts a long time, doesn't stain my clothing/bedding/skin and can also be quite conditioning for your hair. It's also really good for mixing with conditioner! While I love Manic Panic, it's not that easy to get a hold of in the UK unless you buy it from a specific place, and therefore it can be pricey. The tubs are small for the price you pay and in a way, if you have to use a lot of dye for your hair, it doesn't always seem worth it. Their dyes are usually Vegan and the staying power is okay (usually dependant on how often you wash your hair) but from my experiences, the dye can also stain things pretty badly (skin/bedding/clothing and even sinks/baths/tiling) and when it does eventually fade, the pigments go really weird. For example, when my hair was Hot Hot Pink it ended up going a really vivid pink with an almost purple tone to it, but after a few washes, the pink pigments came out quite quickly and it turned a weird orangey colour, which I found strange. Their dyes also aren't the best to use with conditioner, but they have just released a brand new "Manic Mixer/Pastel-izer":

BUT again, you can also use their "Virgin Snow" to mix hair dyes down...a little known fact! Anyway, I still really love CC and MP but at the moment I guess you could say I've taken a "break" from using their colours :)

ANYWAY, carrying on with MY CURRENT hair colour! The three colours we used were "Hot Purple", "Capri Blue" and "Pinkissimo". I've actually used all of these colours at some point! When I had purple hair, I mixed the the blue and purple together to create the colour I wanted:

And when I first dyed my hair bright pink, my hairdresser at the time used the pink to do it:

SO! Here is the result! All three colours were mixed with conditioner and then we also used the pink in neat form for the roots....

THE FINAL PRODUCT AHHHHHHHHHH

HOW AMAZING DOES THIS LOOK?!?!?!?!?!?! There is NO filter used in the above picture, and in real life the colours are even more vivid pastels! I'll try to take a photo in the daylight tomorrow at some point :)

Whilst I was waiting for my roots to bleach before we added the colour, I found this in a magazine and couldn't help but compare:

Hmm..... She's stealing my hair again, lol!

I hope you enjoyed these photos and blog post! See you again soon!

avalanche

Hello!

Wow, since I've been back home I've been waking up super early all the time, mostly due to a whining cat at 5am, but usually around 6:30/7 every day and I don't feel tired! Amazing! I've never felt like that before after sleep, and I have the biggest bags under my eyes 24/7! I pretty much look like I'm dead with no make-up on - my face is pale, and my eyes have that "sunken" look to them haha.

Speaking of no make-up, today I'm meeting up with Dec to be his "fantasy" make-up model! It's going to be really fun and interesting to do! His make-up skills have always been really bad ass and when we were doing Manba still, I think that was just the beginning of his skills becoming great! He's always been awesome at art too, and the two kind of go hand in hand together. I've noticed that a lot of brilliant make-up artists and models are usually as equally talented with a pencil and paper as they are with brush and face!



Anastasija and Ryo are probably two of my favourite MUAs and models, that are both just so! Plus they're my good friends too!

                           

Anastasija (that's her bottom left!) and some of her make-up looks. She is awesome! She uses a lot of gore and goth themed styles for her make-up looks and you can find the occasional fantasy look too! She actually won first place in the Illamasqua Distinction in Make-up Awards for Non-Professional category! (her entry is the bottom right photo) Well done girl! <3 p="">

Ryo (that's her in the above 3 pics, except the bottom left) is just amazing! I've known her for a few years now, and the day I met her, we ended up modelling together for an exhibition! It was amazing! She usually does fantasy, edgy and colourful make-up looks, and you can always find something spooky there too! She also entered the Illamasqua Distinction in Make-up Awards for Non-Professional category (her entry is bottom right) and asked me to be her model! Unfortunately I couldn't as it was too short notice for me to get the day off work, but she did amazingly well! <3 p="">

But as well as these two amazing girls, there are so many others out there that are amazingly skilled! It really makes me wish I had gone further with make-up, but hopefully this year (finally) with some hard work and perseverance, I'm going to do something! I really want to do a Special FX Make-up course, but the only thing that limits me in a way is 1) the price, as these kinds of courses are always super pricey, even for the short courses, and 2) none of the courses are in London! Yes, I could travel, but it's the cost of travelling out of London however many times a week which gets expensive :s But, it's something I've wanted to do for so, so long. and I need to put my mind to it if I really, and truly want to make it happen! Another thing that's creative and interests me, is the production and skill behind the Jim Henson Creature Workshop. That's like, goal 2 I guess! It's an even more limiting thing that I'd love to do, because 1) there are no more workshops in the UK (Jim Henson was an American but a lot of his films were made here in the UK, and they used to have a workshop in Golders Green, close to where I used to live!) so I can't just travel to North London or wherever it is however many times a week, it would have to be in the USA and 2) I'd definitely need some kind of degree in SOMETHING to be able to even dream of working with such talented people! That is something I lack. Haha. I didn't go to Uni because I wanted life experience and to not get into debt. And that's exactly what I got and I've enjoyed it! 

On another note, I know I mentioned being in a hair show and I'm excited to say that the date has finally been arranged! I'm going to get my hair done at the end of this week! It's so exciting and cool! The only thing is that they've asked me to bring alone "rockabilly" style clothing or anything that looks like "Amy Winehouse" lol!!!! I HATE Amy Winehouse. I don't own anything like that! I guess I'll have to beg, borrow and steal!

Thank you to the kind comments on my last blog entry too, since typing it, I still do feel quite good about myself, and I think in a way, I didn't ever realise or think that I'd be able to feel this good about everything so soon after it happening. Maybe this is the way that things are meant to be? We can't see the future, so you never know what could happen! I know I can be strong, and with time on my side, I'll be able to work through this :)

Things like this have been keeping me sane and keeping me happy! See ya!

girls on top

Hello!

So, since I posted last week about my new house and how happy I was...well, things have taken a slightly different turn. A turn for the worse, but also a turn for the ..good??

The same evening I wrote the post about how happy I was and that we were moving etc (it has since been removed, so I'm sorry if you didn't get the chance to read it!) Adam didn't come home until 2am, after I had posted a status on Facebook worried sick about him. The next day, he was angry at me for writing it, and after work that night, when we came home he told me he had been unhappy about our relationship for a few months, had started to like someone else (that he works with) and not really loved me as much during this time. He also said that the status I wrote got him told off at work and it made him look "unprofessional" because his colleagues could see it (even though his work wasn't even mentioned). Not really sure how that one works....

Anyway, on Tuesday he officially ended things with me, (after thinking I already knew things were over) and so, I HAVE moved out, and I'm back living with my parents, which in a way, I'm actually really happy about! I'm so grateful to have such a loving and supporting connection of friends and family to help me get through this whole thing. Today I moved the last bits out of our old place and I didn't really feel sad, but it was a bit upsetting to see the room how it was with all my stuff gone. Today I've felt quite good and I know it's going to get better from here!

The hardest parts for me to deal with, and for both of us is how things ended. There are always two sides to a story, whether they be good or bad, and I think that even though I *think* I deserve the right to be really angry and super upset because there is now a 3rd person involved who is potentially going to take someone away from me forever, the same thing is obviously happening to him (minus the 3rd person) and sometimes things get so misconstrued. It's not easy for me not to write certain things online just to make me feel better because that's usually a quick fix for frustration and in the long run, it's not the best idea. I've been burned by doing that before, so I've learnt to be more careful about the things I say online and to whom I say them to, because online, anyone can see what you write. Even if you delete something, there is a always a memory of it somewhere that could come back to haunt you later on in life. Damn hackers!

Realistically, this has been hard both mentally and physically, as we lived together, and moving physically out of someone's life is so shit. That wasn't the case with my previous boyfriend so the break-up was a little easier, but it still hurt. In this case we grew apart, but there are always things that can be fixed (from the way I see it anyway). I guess if you really want to try, things can hopefully become better, but if you don't want to try then things can't, and they feel even more shit. I think one thing that upsets me is that while I think that the problems we have together are fixable, Adam doesn't seem to think so. I'm not sure if it's because I'm too naive to think that way or if it's because I don't want to let go to what we had, but it almost seems like an unwillingness to make things right. That, I've told him!

When you want to give your life to someone and it's someone who you've never cared for more than anything in the world before, this comes with such a hard blow. I was ready (and deep down, still am) to give my life to him, to have kids and settle down and make a life for ourselves. He is the first person I've ever told that to, and the only one who has ever made me feel that way. That's not something that can change overnight, you could dislike someone overnight, but you can't change the way you feel about them deep down. Adam told me that he felt the same way and that would never change for him, but when someone is breaking up with you and saying that, it feels so hard to believe and understand. I sound like a weird psycho ex-girlfriend who could be pleading with the other half to get back together, but it's because this has been the best thing to ever happen to me, and now it's pretty much gone. You can't make someone feel a certain way and you can't make them do what you want them to, but again, deep down and really lodged away inside, I still really feel like we could get through this, look past the things that caused us to drift and begin again.

And so on to new beginnings. A trip to Japan, Paris and plenty of other things are in the works and I feel like I have so many opportunities and experiences to grab a hold of! Now I just have to sift through the crap that I've accumulated and eBay/throw the stuff I don't want! Thank goodness for free listing fees this weekend!

I AM ON TOP!

Getz

Hello!

I wanted to share some recent "gets" with you! As I'm lazy and can't be bothered to take photos on my phone, here are some brilliant stock photos for your enjoyment :D

1: TOPSHOP Acid Wash Denim Hotpants
Lalalalalalalalove these, they are comfy and my butt hands out of them~~<3 p="">

2: TOPSHOP Bleach Denim Dungarees

I look like the cutest farm-hand ever in these. I used to wear Dungarees all the time when I was a kid, and essentially, I'm still a kid, so these are perfect for me

3: New Look Leopard Print Cabin Bag
My friend Maria from work has this bag and for months I've been like "Damn, I'm getting that bag" and the stores near me never have it, and it's ridiculously hard to find online (does not come up when you search for "leopard" or in the Bags section...wtf)

4: TOPSHOP Leopard Print Leggings
After seeing so many people that I work with wearing these leggings, I had to hunt them down (they're from last year/the year before) and so I found some (in pristine condition) on eBay for about £6. Sorted

5: Primark Mens "NY LA" and Sugar Skull Tees

MENS STUFF AGAIN OMG. Because I like the designs. And plus, this girl also has the skull tee :D I'll probably do some cutting on the tops, purely because I want them to look slightly different. The "NY LA" one was reduced, and I think I'll turn it into a vest, and possibly make the skull one off the shoulder. WHO KNOWS.

Noticed how these "gets" aren't anything to do with my "wants" from last week? That's because I haven't gotten around to ordering them just yet :) Pretty much all the items (except the lipstick) are online and I haven't seen them in my store or a store near me yet. The lipstick came into my store and I was actually really disappointed, and it is now OFF the list! In the photo it looks like more of a "bubblegum" purple colour but irl it's more of a darker purple. NOT what I wanted. Damn.

As well as spending money and not paying my rent again, I went to a potential room viewing today which went super fantastically well, and I would quite like to possibly say yes. YAY.

I'll leave you with a great song from BoA! A dance I totally want to learn: